Sales Order

SalesmanThe salesman reported back to his boss after several weeks on the road and said, “All I got was two orders.”

“What were they? Anything good?”

“Nope,” the salesman replied. “They were ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!”

Brake Failure

CarA manager, a hardware engineer and a programmer were in a car going down a steep mountain pass. The brakes failed and the car went, almost out of control, almost running off the cliff, zooming way too fast down the road.

Eventually the car coasted to a halt at the bottom of the mountain and the Hardware guy hopped out and started to strip the brakes. The manager said, “Lets hold a meeting to decide what we should do about this.”

The software guy said, “Let’s push it back up the hill and see if it does it again…”

Pearl Necklace for Birthday

PresentA young woman was taking an afternoon nap on her birthday. After she woke up, she told her husband, “I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for my birthday. What do you think it means?”

“You’ll know tonight.” he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it–only to find a book entitled: “The meaning of dreams”.

Waste of Time

DoctorA patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist.

“So who did you see before coming to me?” asked the doctor.

“My local General Practitioner.”

“Your GP?” scoffed the doctor. “What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless advice did he give you?”

“He told me to come and see you.”

Monk and the Monastery

Buddist TempleA man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?”

The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery.

The monks gain accept him, feed him, and even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.”

The man says, “All right, all right. I’m dying to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?”

The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.”

The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.”

The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.”

The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.”

The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “May I have the key?”

The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.

Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man asks for the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He gets another key from the monks. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz and diamond.

Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.”

The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is utterly astonished to find the source of that beguiling sound…But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk.